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21st Century Career Success
When it comes to modern career development, one thing we can all count on is change. With the advent of technology, telecommuting, and E-commerce, how work is performed is in a state of reinvention. Self-employment and small business...
Eating Healthy in a Time-Starved World
Americans are literally running out of time. Achieving a work-life balance, which is still a luxury for tens of millions of working parents, has been overtaken by an even greater demand: a work-life-nutrition balance. Unfortunately, this increasing...
How Empathy Can Reduce Your Anger
Jim, a 42-year old engineer was teaching his eight-year-old son how to fly a radio-controlled airplane. As the airplane was taking off, Jim instructed his son to push the control stick on the radio to the right. He did and the airplane turned to...
Practical Ways to Keep Your ADD Under Control During the Holiday Season
Do November’s Thanksgiving experiences have you dreading the December holidays? The idea of gifts, family, and days off sounds great…but we all know that holidays are some of the most stressful times of the year. When an ADDer starts to become...
The Dying Breed - Healthcare in Eastern Europe
Transition has trimmed Russian life expectancy by well over a decade. People lead brutish and nasty lives only to expire in their prime, often inebriated. In the republics of former Yugoslavia, respiratory and digestive tract diseases run amok....
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Exploring the "Should's": Is it Necessity, Desire, or Guilt?
How many times a day do you find yourself using the word "should"? ADDers are full of "should's": I should do the dishes, I should clean out the fridge, I should see that movie, I should call my friend, etc. The word "should" can be very dangerous to an adult with ADD, because it often results in guilt.
In order to break through this and help you prioritize the things that you "should" do, try exploring your "should's" by asking yourself the following question:
Is this a necessity, a desire, or guilt? Here are some examples:
I should do my taxes.
Necessity: If you don't do your taxes, you can find your finances slipping out of control. You can end up owing the government penalty fees. And you will absolutely have undue stress. This "should" is a necessity.
I should buy that CD.
Desire: This is something that you want to make you happy. You like the music you hear, and therefore you want to own it. This "should" is a desire.
I should clean my house more often.
Guilt: If the "should" comes when you compare yourself to others, then guilt is probably involved. It often happens when we feel like we are not living up to the performance or expectations
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of others (or our perceived performance/expectations of others.) If you visit a friend's house and its neat and clean, you may falsely interpret this to mean that your friend cleans all the time. In reality, your friend may have spent hours cleaning her/his house before you arrived to make it look nice! If you are physically and mentally comfortable with the amount of time you spend cleaning your house, then cleaning more often is not a necessity, it's not a desire, its a "should" that is just useless guilt!
Try this exercise for a whole day. Every time you find yourself using the word "should," ask yourself if its a necessity, desire, or guilt. I promise that you'll feel a lot a better about all the things you think you "should" be doing!
About the Author
Jennifer Koretsky is a Professional ADD Management Coach who helps adults manage their ADD and move forward in life. She offers a 90-day intensive skill-building program, workshops, and private coaching. Her work has been featured in numerous media, including The New York Times Magazine. To subscribe to Jennifer’s free email newsletter, The ADD Management Guide, please visit http://www.addmanagement.com/e-newsletter.htm.
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